Shannon Stacey

Asphyxiation by academics and yogurt

Had a little scare yesterday. In trying to decide whether or not to attend the open house at the Tall Kid’s high school yesterday, I pulled up his online gradebook…and choked on my yogurt. It wasn’t even a spoonful with fruit chunks in it, so you know it wasn’t easy to choke on that.

TK had a 58% in Honors Algebra II.

If you’ve been here any amount of time, you can see why my yogurt almost killed me, along with the instant hyperventilation. And through the dizziness caused by the lack of oxygen to my brain, I heard the sound of his future being flushed down the toilet.

(Melodramatic? Me? Ha.)

I spent the day frazzled by the anxiety. How did this happen? Why didn’t the teacher reach out to me? And, ohmigod, Mr S was going to take TK’s iPod Touch away and the child would have nothing better to do than talk to me about politics and the state of the universe.

Finally, at 2:50, Mr. Failing Math walked through the door.

Me: How was your day?
TK: Fine.
Me: Anything interesting going on?
TK: Nope.
Me: How about you failing Algebra 2, is that interesting?

So he gives me The Look. The Look he inherited from his father that translates to “why do I waste my time with you, you useless twit”.

TK: I’m not failing Algebra.

So I open the Macbook and he comes right over because he knows I’m pulling up the online gradebook.

He has a 95%.

Me: I swear to God you were failing math this morning.
TK: (The Look again). Sure, Mom.
Me: Honest! It said you were missing an assignment. You had a 58.64. I even wrote it down.
TK: Oh, wait. My teacher said she accidentally gave my paper to a kid who didn’t do his or something. She said she’d straighten it out today.

I lost ten years off my life…for nothing.

5 comments to “Asphyxiation by academics and yogurt”

  1. nightsmusic
      · September 30th, 2010 at 3:32 pm · Link

    OMG, thank you for the laugh today! Been there, done that, now I remember why I’m so glad mine are out of school. It’s a wonder parents make it to graduation. ;-)

  2. Steve
      · September 30th, 2010 at 2:08 pm · Link

    I think I wet myself. Now that is truly the funniest thing that I have heard today.

  3. azteclady
      · October 1st, 2010 at 12:12 am · Link

    (((Ms Stacey)))

    And that look? I’m familiar with it–both my kidlets are past masters at it.


  4. Annmarie
      · October 2nd, 2010 at 12:08 am · Link

    Let the teacher knows she owes you a Xanax.

  5. Natalie J. Damschroder
      · October 7th, 2010 at 10:40 pm · Link

    I think it’s so funny that it never occurred to you it could be a mistake. :)

  • Get my latest news straight to your inbox!

    I'll only be sending newsletters when I have news to share, and I'll never share your information. You'll receive an email asking you confirm your subscription (so please check your spam box if you don't receive that). You can unsubscribe at anytime.


  • Affiliation

    Shannon Stacey is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of

    If you purchase a book listed on the site from, she’ll earn a small commission. Thank you!