With the gym being prepped for Winter Carnival and the Winter Olympics going on, TK’s gym teacher thought it would be a good idea for the class to watch Miracle, the story of the 1980 Olympic US hockey team. When he told me this Monday, I immediately launched into a delirious fervor of patriotic fangirlishness, ending with “…and, ohmigod, isn’t it the best movie ever?”.
And then my son—the child I cherished in my womb and suffered through fifteen hours of labor, uphill in the snow both ways, to bring into this world—gave me that coldly disdainful look he does so well and said, “No”.
No? Excuse me? NO?
That one simple word elicited a maternal reaction even more explosive than if he’d told me he’d stolen my car, gotten drunk and knocked up a forty-year-old stripper. A week long Cold War ensued, arguments lobbed back and forth like nuclear warheads.
Him, arguing such lame points as all the criminal charges the coach should have faced. Dumbass.
Me, trying to explain to a fourteen-year-old being raised in a global community what it was like living in the shadow of two Superpowers. Trying to explain the dominance of the Soviet hockey players who, while they weren’t running amok in the NHL, were the equivalent of professionals, while Team USA was a ragtag bunch of college kids thrown together. Trying to make him understand what it meant.
Then, last night, during a teaser for the men’s figure skating event, TK said he hoped Pleshenko took the gold. Actually, his exact words were, “I hope the Russian dude with the speed-assisted, variable-position mullet wins the gold”.
Dirty rotten…never mind.
He’ll be watching the end of Miracle today and I’ve already warned him if it doesn’t move him—if it doesn’t make his heartbeat quicken and overwhelm him with the urge to drape himself in an American flag and belt out The Star-Spangled Banner—he’d better see if the guidance counselor can help him apply for a passport because I’m shipping his butt off to Russia to find his real mother.
About 2:50 pm this afternoon, look toward the northeast. You might see a mushroom cloud.