I did something this morning I’ve only ever done twice (for childbirth)—I called in sick.

It’s a little hard to call in sick when you’re a stay-at-home mom, but I told my husband this morning I was taking the day off—effective immediately after the Short Kid’s school drop-off. I got breakfasts and lunches made and kids delivered, but that’s all I’m doing today.

Columbus Day weekend I hurt my right shoulder in a minor, just-annoying way. Then it started to spread as I boxed books and office crap. At some point I stopped moving full boxes and started carrying armloads of books upstairs to boxes already assembled in their storage place (my bedroom, unfortunately). The pain’s been constant, but nothing I couldn’t work through.

Then, last night…

3:10 AM — Mini starts barking. She’s been doing this for about two weeks, and all she wants if for me to come down and sleep on the couch where she can see me. That’s the only thing that makes her stop, and I haven’t figured out how to break her of this hideous new habit yet. Because I was feeling affectionate (and cold), I put the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs and let Mini out of her crate so she could cuddle with me on the couch. (A bad idea for so many reasons.)

3:45 AM — Gizmo jumps on the baby gate to launch herself into the living room. Because I hadn’t turned the light on, it wasn’t wedged properly and the cat and the gate came crashing down. Mini launches off couch, barking. Gizmo, utterly freaked out, takes off, knocking the water dish over in the process. Light on, dog calmed, water mopped, gate reinstalled correctly.

4:22 AM — Jinx wanders down to the living room and vomits. I go to the kitchen to get paper towels and come back to find Mini cleaning it up for me. Refrain, barely, from kicking her. Finish cleaning up, resettle dog, and go back to sleep.

Unknown time — Reach both arms up over me head to adjust pillow (in vain, since the arm of the couch doesn’t plump) and feel something snap between shoulder blades. Cry in horrible pain for about twenty minutes, then go back to sleep.

6:08 AM — Mini jumps off couch and throws up the cat vomit. And I get a cookie because I still didn’t kick her. Clean it up despite horrific, stomach-turning pain, lay back down.

6:20 AM — Cell alarm goes off. Hit snooze.

6:29 AM — Cell alarm goes off. Cry.

I’m unable to move my head or shoulders independently from my waist. Seriously, I look like I’m doing the robot. So I’m going to curl up on the couch and try to write a synopsis today. I seriously hate those, but it’s the only thing keeping me from getting this story (not DG3) turned in, so I need to get it done.

I’m also going to watch the back-to-back reruns of 90210 on the Soap channel without guilt. I might even have some Doritos…but they’re kept in the microwave, which is over the stove, and I can’t reach my arms over my head. I’ll need a stepstool.

Hmm….