Shannon Stacey

Letters to the Idols: Andrew Lloyd Webber week

First, back in my March 19th Letters to the Idols, I said:

Dear David Archuleta: (”The Long and Winding Road”) My sister will call me later and give me a telephonic bitchslap for saying this, but: I think you are a fabulous Broadway-ish singer, but not a “pop” singer. If they have Andrew Lloyd Webber week, you are SO in, dude.

Preshow predictions: (Okay, technically paused show predictions) Brooke is seriously in trouble—she has no range. Carly—eh. Archuleta will, unfortunately, bring down the house. David Cook—please sing the Phantom song. Syesha will be good but boring—again. Jason, I think, might be suprisingly impressive. Now watch me be totally wrong.

Dear Syesha Mercado: (“One Rock & Roll Too Many“) That’s the first time I’ve ever liked you. Slightly nasally in places, but I was actually engaged by your performance. Hated your hair like that, though.

Dear Jason Castro: (“Memory“) Ack! Ptew ptew. Does Listerine make mouthwash for my ears? I guess it wouldn’t be mouthwash, then. Antisceptic earwash? Couldn’t gargle, though. Whatever, that was wicked weak.

Dear Brooke White: (“You Must Love Me“) You actually showed some range! Too bad you blew the beginning and need the lyrics tattoed on the inside of your eyelids. Unfortunately, I know every single word of “Evita” (Madonna-style) and I’m disinclined to appreciate your performance.

Dear David Archuleta: (“Think of Me“) WHY did you try to remake that as a freakin’ pop song a la freakin’ Menudo? Dude, you’re an idiot. (Of course the judges will now drool all over your little brown puppy-dog eyed, froggy-throated self.) I hated it, mostly because I wanted you to dominate this theme. This was your week to own and you ducked it.

Dear Carly Smithson: (“Jesus Christ Superstar“) Whew, it was nice of Sir Andy to save you from certain doom. That was a kick-ass performance, and you managed to go the whole two minutes without making that “I’m going to break out of solitary and kill your puppy” face. Sweet!

Dear David Cook: (“The Music of the Night”!!! Ohpleasepleaseplease…) Holy. Shit. You know THAT scene in When Harry Met Sally? Yeah, that’s me right now.

Bottom three: Brooke, Jason and…either Syesha or Carly (though I don’t think she’ll deserve it).

To go home? I think it’s Brooke’s time, the husband thinks it’s Jason’s.

4 comments to “Letters to the Idols: Andrew Lloyd Webber week”

  1. Shannon
      · April 23rd, 2008 at 8:40 am · Link

    Heh. Perfect song for Jason Castro: How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?

    Too bad it’s not ALW.

  2. Jaci Burton
      · April 23rd, 2008 at 9:01 am · Link

    Totally agree with you. Especially about David Cook.

    And yeah, Brooke or Jason will be going home.

  3. Emma Wayne Porter
      · April 23rd, 2008 at 9:41 am · Link

    I think I must have died a million deaths for Brooke last night.

    And of course Mady and I were both crying by the end of DC. Then laughing at each other for crying while every male in the house wondered wtf was going on. They just don’t get it.

    (Her choir’s doing MOTN this year, so the song choice was a pretty big deal)

    For what it’s worth, DialIdol had Carly dead last. And in case you ever underestimated the ridiculousness of America, the AI boards were alight with “christians” outraged that she’d take Jesus’s name in vain, so none of them are voting for her. /dramatic eye roll

  4. vanessa jaye
      · April 23rd, 2008 at 7:29 pm · Link

    WHY did you try to remake that as a freakin’ pop song a la freakin’ Menudo?

    ::choking:: bwahahahaaa. ^5!

    I kept thinking, ‘da hell?

    I think Syesha is safe *this week*, Brooke and Jason are up for sure (with Brooke going home) but I don’t have a clue who else will be in the bottom three with B & J.

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