Shannon Stacey

My daughter-in-law is going to hate me

The “man” at the root of the conflict is only seven right now, but someday the woman he marries is going to curse my name. I think I’ve allowed a…quirk?…she’s going to play hell trying to break.

That quirk is the short kid’s secret identity: *duh duh duh…* Underwearman! (Yes, that’s what he calls himself.)

Every day when he gets home from school he takes off his backpack, coats, boots…and his pants. If he’s at home and we don’t have company, he has no pants on. (Thankfully he wears longer-length boxer briefs.)

This is due, in part, to the way he’s built. He can’t tolerate jeans and mostly wears sweats and a couple of elastic-waist pairs of loose khakis he can handle for school. And part of it is as long as they’re getting it done out in the world—top grades, reams of school citizenship awards, total strangers complimenting their manners—home is…home. We’re pretty unstructured and relaxed, with not much in the way of rules.

We probably only have a handful of rules that aren’t negotiable.

1. If Mom snaps her fingers, stop that right now.

2. No sucker-punching Dad in the peepee while he’s fending off your brother’s attack.

3. Do not even breathe in the vicinity of the new TV. (Which reminds me, I’ve got to nag the husband about getting it hung on the wall and off it’s rather inadequate stand.)

4. If Dad steps on a Lego barefooted, not even Mom can save you.

And pants are, apparently, optional. Not for the rest of us (although, if the husband comes home muddy from four-wheeling, he might leave his pants at the door and then visit with the kids while in just his boxer briefs for a few minutes before hitting the shower.) (And thank the Underwear Gods for boxer briefs, no? How awesome are they?)

But someday some poor, unsuspecting woman is going to find herself married to a guy who won’t wear pants if he’s in the house.

Sorry, Mrs. Underwearman.

5 comments to “My daughter-in-law is going to hate me”

  1. Jaci Burton
      · March 18th, 2008 at 9:51 am · Link

    now see, by the time he’s an adult male, Mrs. Underwearman might find him lounging around in those boxer briefs pretty sexy.

    Though you probaby don’t want to think about that since you’re his mom.


  2. Mandy M. Roth
      · March 18th, 2008 at 11:41 am · Link

    :doh: I could have used a warning like this from my MIL years ago. It would have been nice to know up front that pants were optional for my husband. Thankfully, he wear boxer-briefs but even that doesn’t make me all warm and fuzzy when I’m yelling, my mother might stop by could you please get dressed. :lmao:

  3. Emma Wayne Porter
      · March 18th, 2008 at 6:15 pm · Link

    wait… there are males who wear pants in the house? :shock:

  4. Rhonda
      · March 18th, 2008 at 8:53 pm · Link

    :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
    So this is the one advantage I can see to living in the North… at least then our neighbors wouldn’t be used to seeing dh sporting out to the truck or say even the mailbox in his boxer breifs. :hide:

  5. Shannon
      · March 19th, 2008 at 10:38 pm · Link

    So…maybe it’s the tall kid who’s weird, not the short kid?

    I can’t imagine sitting around in my underwear.

    Men are weird.

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