Dear American Idol Producers: Beatles two weeks in a row is totally uncool. I know last week was technically songs written by Lennon or McCartney, not necessarily performed by them, but that’s semantics. When the hell is ABBA week, dudes?
Dear Amanda Overmeyer: (“Back in the U.S.S.R.”) That was a little weak, but considering you had to Beatle-ize yourself for the second week in a row, it wasn’t horrible. I think they should make you sing a ballad, though. And not a long-haired, eyelined 80’s power ballad, either. I’m starting to suspect you can’t actually sing.
Dear Kristy Lee Cook: (“You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away”) You started awesome, but the chorus was so pitchy I got seasick. I think you’re going home.
Dear David Archuleta: (“The Long and Winding Road”) My sister will call me later and give me a telephonic bitchslap for saying this, but: I think you are a fabulous Broadway-ish singer, but not a “pop” singer. If they have Andrew Lloyd Webber week, you are SO in, dude.
Dear Michael Johns: (“A Day in the Life”) I like your voice, but the falsetto is not for you. I didn’t know the song, but my husband—who claims the song as a Beatles favorite—said you sucked. Sorry mate. I think you’ll get picked off pretty soon, but not until after Kristy Lee.
Dear Brooke White: (“Here Comes the Sun” — and raise your hand if you saw THAT coming) You are amazing. If I wasn’t the heterosexual married type, I’d date you just to hear you sing. Alas, it would never last, though, because you don’t watch R-rated movies and I can’t live without Die Hard. The first time I declared “Yippee-kay-ay, motherfucker” after vanquishing a particularly villainous dustbunny, I fear you would pop open your magic umbrella and fly away from me.
Dear David Cook: (“Day Tripper”) I don’t get the song. Sometimes that happens to me, as with the movie Pulp Fiction. I kept asking my husband “Do you have to have done drugs to get this movie?” but after a few viewings, it grew on me. I don’t want to hear you sing this song that many times, though. Simon was right about your losing the element of suprise, which is one of the things about “Hello” that propelled you into the spotlight. Watch you don’t get stale and predictable (*cough*likeAmanda*cough*).
At this point we switched over to Big Brother, so I’ll be watching the second half of the show while vanquishing villainous dustbunnies in my living room later today. After I watch it, I’ll post part 2.