Shannon Stacey

A conversation with idiots

Aide: It’s come to our attention there’s a country out there who doesn’t want us all dead. It’s Turkey, sir.

Congressman: Unacceptable. If US citizens aren’t kept in manufactured fear for their lives, they start paying attention. (*spends five minutes Googling*) Here. We’ll use this.

Aide: But sir, that was almost a hundred years ago.

Congressman: So what? Let’s a get a bill going accusing Turkey of genocide.

(*waves goodbye to ambassador*)

Concerned citizen: But sir…we have kids shooting each other and going without basic medical care because their parents can’t afford health insurance because they graduated from high school barely literate, didn’t read the fine print on their mortgage papers and are struggling to save their homes while in fear for their jobs because the good ones are in freakin’ Mexico and they can’t afford that kind of gas in their twenty-year-old Honda Civics because God forbid we should bite into the oil companys’ billion dollar profits and too many of these families are doing it with one parent because the other one’s on his/her third year in Iraq because one, the military can’t read its own rulebook and two, Colin Powell & Co flat-out lied to the American people. Is insulting one of our few remaining allies for something that happened almost a hundred years ago something Congress should be spending time on?

Congressman: (*swings pocket watch*) The alert color is orange…the alert color is orange…

Concerned Citizen: I’m sorry to have bothered you, sir. I need to go wave my flag now and sing “God Bless America”.

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