I decided at some point that I’d devote the long Labor Day weekend to wrestling the SSE-wanna-be into submission. I’m disconnecting myself from the ‘net (well, in a few hours—I’m not done blog-hopping yet) and stocking up on caffeine, because I desperately want to get this done.
But Shan, you’ve been talking about this for months and months now, so you must not want it that desperately, right?
Yeah, I know. But the more you want something, the easier it is to keep putting it off. If I don’t send them something, they can’t reject me, right?
If you’re a regular visitor, you know I’ve always wanted to write category romance. And I worked toward it for quite awhile. One came close—the assistant editor loved it, fought for it, but the acquiring editor didn’t bite (Correctly, I think. I’d missed the tone of the line a bit—sometimes I wonder if I’d subbed it to HAR instead of SR if it would have ended differently). Then another came close, but the line changed focus and it no longer fit (Duets to Flipside….then buh-bye Flipside). The same assistant editor who remembered the SR story she’d loved called me (maybe a year or more later) and we talked about a SIM project, plus we talked about Bombshell. It was awesome, I started getting optimistic again…and then she left the company.
I was just burnt out. Admittedly, I had some self-awareness writing-wise to develop and a couple of doors opened to me that I didn’t step through for fear of failure. But I also just got tired of it.
So left with a half-single title-length romantic comedy that obviously wasn’t going to work at H/S, I gave up. I loved that story and didn’t want to add a buttload of filler to make it single title, and I couldn’t cut it to novella length. (Besides, breaking into the NY print market with a rom com novella? That’s funny.) That’s when the freedom of e-publishing called to me. I stepped onto that wheel and around and around I go.
Now, I’m not unhappy on this wheel. I absolutely adore being able to write my books my way and having it find a home and—future option clause negotiations willing—I hope to continue to publish with Samhain, at least. (I’d love to have an EC release, too, but if you’re a reader of my books, you’ve probably seen my progression away from erotic romance. I’m not sure what’s happening there. It’s not them, it’s me.)
But it’s time to put my big-girl panties back on and knock on H/S’s door again. I’m self-aware enough to know that I have a bizarre, conflicting fear of failure mixed up with a fear of success, and I’m going to conquer it, dammit. So I’ve allotted this weekend to focus on that goal. I’ve learned a lot about my strengths, my weaknesses and my voice in the last couple of years, and I’m a little tougher than I used to be, so it’s time.
:type:
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Good luck. You can do it. :cheer:
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Hey, sometimes it’s just not the right time. You need to learn, grow, etc. You can come to category with a new perspective and a better understanding than you had before. Good for you for tackling it now!
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:cheer:
Shan, your post is inspiring. If you feel this strongly about it–then it’s something you must do-and all your friends will be right behind you as support. :hug:
Happy writing this weekend. I know you’ll shine!
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what everyone else says
:cheer::cheer::cheer::cheer:
and a :clap: too
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and if they don’t eventually publish you, they’re idjits
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OMG – I knew there was a reason I love you! This whole post sounds like it could be written by me (well except that I don’t have a contract with Samhain, but here’s hoping LOL), especially the last para and the fear of failure/success.
:hug: You unplug and you go to work. You will do it. Your writing is brilliant, and I can’t wait to buy your first NYC book! :cheer:
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Good luck Shan. I know you can do this because I know how much, deep down, you really want it. And I want it for you.
Defeat those demons. I’ve got your back, as always. :cowboy:
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Go Shannon! I really hope it works out for you. Your writing voice is wonderful and I’m sure that you will get over this hump and come up with a winner!
:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:
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:heart: You’re my hero. You can do eet!
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“I’m self-aware enough to know that I have a bizarre, conflicting fear of failure mixed up with a fear of success, and I’m going to conquer it, dammit.” Oh hon, I so know what you’re talking about.
Keep on working toward your goal – you can do it, and you will.
Guess this means I really SHOULD be working on that requested agent partial, huh? *whimper*
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WOW – This post really… made sense to me. Maybe because I feel like I’ve just gone through a similar journey mentally. But either way, I’m rooting for you! Go get em! :thumb:
Cole
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Y’all are so awesome. Thanks! :hug:
I’m working on the synopsis now. And doing a little tweaking. :baby: