I don’t have much time. I was delayed in getting here by thunderstorms, and I must hide from Shannon. She’s been making very pointed threats involving me, duct tape, the front rack of her Rubicon and mud puddles.

So what has Shannon been up to? Mostly she and her children have been using the house phone to repeatedly call her cell phone. She finally found “The Imperial March” (also known as Darth Vader’s theme song) for her cellphone, and she and her children have managed to play that ringtone incessantly. I’d like to shove that cellphone up her…ATV’s tailpipe.

Our writing time has consisted primarily of Shannon beating her head against the wall. While I find that particularly enjoyable, it’s not really productive. I’m hoping when she returns from being a Yankee redneck and has washed the mud, sticks and bugs out of her hair, she’ll be ready to get back to work.

If the expression is “If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch”, Shannon is huddled under the porch with a bag of Doritoes and a Twinkie. (Considering her cleaning abilities, I don’t think I’d want to be under her porch.) I’ll give her this one weekend to play, then I’m going to drag her out and slap her upside the head.

Until next week, be aware you’re visiting the blog of a woman who’s getting a custom “Darth Mom” licence plate for her Rubicon. Seriously, does that sound like a sane person to you?