Happy Friday the 13th from me, Ezmerelda! Here is a postcard for you all made from a classified photo Mel took with her top-secret super-spy camera while I was
This week Shannon was very busy, but not doing anything interesting enough for me to review. She’s almost as boring as she is lazy. So in order to ensure your visit here was not a total waste of your time, I will give you my own answers to the thirteen questions you asked her.
1. Why do you drink ice cold coffee when you live in the freakin frozen tundra of New Hampshire? — Because she is stupid and can’t be trusted with hot liquids. It takes her fifteen minutes to work up the courage to tip the cup enough to let the coffee flow through the plastic lid, and she still burns her lip every time. Drinking iced coffee through a straw merely preserves the illusion she is capable of mastering beverages.
2. How many books will you have out this year? What are their titles? What are they about? When are they releasing? — Not as many as Nora. Shannon has focus and discipline issues—just like her cats, actually. Now that spring is here, she is slightly less hairy, though.
3. Whatâ€™s your favorite genre to write in? — It depends on her mood. Since she has all the emotional stability of a psychotic drunk on day two at Betty Ford, we don’t have a favorite genre.
4. What are you working on now? — Seeing how many crunchy bites it takes to get to the bottom of a Doritos bag.
5. Is Gallagher done YET? How about now? Câ€™mon, now? — It’s done in my head. I just have to bribe the lazy cow to type it all out.
I will tell you the opening scene contains snow, nudity, marshmallow sticks, dead people and the singing of “Kumbaya”.
6. Obviously youâ€™re NOT going for nipple piercingâ€“do you have any other piercings or even a tattoo? What do you think of themâ€“on men or womenâ€¦.? — Do her stretch marks count? If I outline them with red, orange and yellow Sharpies, we could call it an abdominal flamejob tattoo!
7. Since nipple piercings are out, can we talk about clit piercings instead? So that’s why Shannon kept making strangled sounds of horror and hiding under her desk.
8. Is the Widowmaker done yet? — Shannon and I are arguing about the ending. I will win.
9. Do you need more Doritos? — She always needs more Doritos.
10. Whatâ€™s the meaning of life, other than getting your hands on all the unfound Easter candy? — Sucking Dorito crumbs out of the couch cushions like a human Hoover?
11. Whatâ€™s your favourite type of shoe? — Judging by the odor, old ones.
12. What do I have to do to become Shannon Stacey when I grow up? — Trust me, chica, you don’t want to do that. Think of the shoes.
13. If you were a superhero what would your superpower be? (and what would your costume look likeâ€¦include fab superhero shoes please *g*) — Her superpower would be the ability to procrastinate herself right out of prime opportunities. Her costume would include burnt lips, Dorito-orange stained fingers, an abdominal flamejob and smelly shoes.
Until next week, remember to respect your muse. If you don’t, she will humiliate you on your own blog.