*cellphone rings showing a number I don’t recognize*
Strange man’s voice: Hello.
*pause that drags on*
Me: Who is this?
Strange man’s voice: (Tall kid).
*long pause while I, a victim of too much TV and too many thrillers, wonder in a panic why a grown man is pretending to be my little boy*
Strange man purporting to my 11-year-old: You forgot early release. I’m in the office.
He was only there 4 1/2 hours! Surely one can’t totally go through puberty during US History. He won’t even be twelve until July.
Dayum. (And yes, I will pay for forgetting early release for a long time. Years.)