Loafing on my birthday. Before the search phrases, here are a couple of cool bumper stickers I’ve seen recently:

My Chihuahua is smarter than your honor student

My kid was inmate of the month

Nobody died when Clinton lied.

And on the back of the streetsweeper we followed this morning: Caution: Driver Fast Asweep

And the search phrases that brought people here:

she squeezed his groin — Interesting phrase to search for. And really, we need more details: was this a loving squeeze, or a psychotic, no more sex til the swelling goes down squeeze. Plus, honestly, it’s extremely hard to squeeze the groin muscle, you know.

crazy ass people — Am I on a list somewhere?

wanna boink — An honest personal ad

how to write a menage a trois love scene — Get drunk and prepare for pronoun confusion overload

how to write a non-graphic sex scene — Spare us the velvety manrods and heaving orbs. Just have him kick the bedroom door closed behind them.

(If both of those last two were the same searcher…you might wanna reconsider that scene)

one hour orgasm — I love an orgasm as much as the next girl, but an hour? I’d have to stop for a smoke halfway through.

opposite of rant word — Umm…rave?

phrases batman says — To the Batcave!

scary virgo — Yes, we are. Don’t forget it.

necrozoophilia pics — Necrozoophilia? Is that like…doing dead animals? Freak! Go away!

dr. howard dr. fine dr. howard — I love the Stooges.

moving to new england what to wear — Anything but a Yankees hat, bud.

weeding etiquette — Don’t bend over with your ass streetside if the elastic’s gone in your granny panties.

titties women rwa — We don’t have titties in RWA. We have breasts. But we do not discuss them, write about them, or god forbid, show a glimpse of one.

bag balm sex — Bag balm is NOT sexy.

smoking erotica wearing leather gloves — You’d want to wear good ones, too, if you’re smoking erotica, so you don’t get burnt when the paper burns down.

bengay on penis — Do it! Really. You should.

whole wheat donuts — Oh please.

shannon what a feeling — Me and Toyota, baby.

fun things to do at a ladies luncheon — replace the CD of Celtic flutes with an EC audiobook *

* — No, they don’t have them, but it’d be fun.