Shannon Stacey

Shannon vs. Word grammar check

I don’t write with Word’s spelling/grammar check running. Those squiggly lines are actually a roadmap to insanity, right there. But I always run a spellcheck on it before printing it to do a real read-through. On my desktop the grammar function is totally shut down. Clearly when the monkeys are taking a break from their typing, they write reference features for Microsoft.

But here on my laptop, it still checks the grammar when it checks the spelling. Why? Because I’ve been too busy and/or too lazy to go in and uncheck little boxes. So while running it on my synopsis, Professor Microsoft lit into some of my grammar usage. (And the sentences are abbreviated because they all unfortunately give away important elements of the story and I’m not talking about this one until it’s sold. Paranoid much? Yes. But remember…just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not watching you. *g*)

...only make her more sure that they’re involved…

Word recommends changing “more sure” to “surer”, resulting in:

…only make her surer that they’re involved

More sure isn’t great, but surer’s not even a word, is it?

is trying to drown herself in a bottle…

Word recommends changing “herself” to “her”, resulting in:

…is trying to drown her in a bottle…

Note to Microsoft: looking for a buzz and attempted murder…different.

(Well…usually. Unless you’re a sociopath, maybe.)

…while filling her mind with horrific images…

Word recommends changing “mind” to “minds”, resulting in:

…while filling her minds with horrific images

Actually, she’s a pretty single-minded kinda lady, thanks.

Do they honestly think that in a million years I would actually use their Microsoft Money program? Are you kidding me? I can imagine trying to balance my books in freakin Euros or something. Dayum.

7 comments to “Shannon vs. Word grammar check”

  1. Anna Lucia
      · January 26th, 2006 at 6:13 am · Link

    I swear, the grammar check is EVIL. It makes you doubt your own name…


    Or An-na. Maybe A.Nna.

  2. AngieW
      · January 26th, 2006 at 9:41 am · Link

    *cough* you could delete that from the first sentence and it wouldn’t be so awkward. Just saying :rofl:

  3. nataliedamschroder
      · January 26th, 2006 at 10:17 am · Link

    Also, would “certain” work in place of “sure”?

    I turned off the grammar check, too. Subject-verb agreement is not a strong suit of Microsoft Grammar Check.

    Raise your hands if you think they outsource that job to non-English speakers.

  4. Charlene
      · January 26th, 2006 at 11:15 am · Link

    Just what I needed with my morning coffee. :coffee: Now I have to go read Help Desk. (comic that spoofs Microsoft, with special attention to that helpful paperclip…)

  5. Karen Templeton
      · January 26th, 2006 at 11:25 am · Link

    Ah, yes. The paperclip. Showed up on hubby’s Word program, but not on mine, so I told him to ignore it. Then it showed up on mine, so naturally IT HAD TO DIE. I actually typed in “get rid of paperclip” into the little box up in the right hand corner, and it told me how (place cursor over the evil thing, hit right mouse button, then delete, I think — or whatever works, it’s early and I don’t rightly remember).

    It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for those googly eyes. :eyebrow:

  6. Shannon
      · January 26th, 2006 at 11:39 am · Link

    When I first got Word I had changed the paperclip into a cat, but I found myself talking to it and asking it questions as I wrote, so I killed it altogether. I question my sanity enough without turning the Help cat into my co-author.


    Ooh, certain would probably work. I would have cut it totally, but it’s meant to show…more certainty. :rofl: That’ll work.

    And a resounding yes on the outsourcing. You can fake English with a dictionary, but not grammar. (Although Microsoft might be outsourcing that job to our school district :rant:)

  7. Alison Kent
      · January 26th, 2006 at 11:46 am · Link

    Oh, and don’t even try to use Word’s built-in thesaurus if you’re writing anything the least bit suggestive. They’ve edited out any words that might be questionable. It’s pathetic.

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