The presence of Swiffers, ass tulips and illiterate seekers of self-luv has become damn near overwhelming, but I managed to find a few others:

johnny damon s soul ebay — While Johnny Damon did sell his soul to those infamous boys of satan summer, the New York Yankees < *rinse & spit*>, I don’t believe it’s available on eBay. Yet. Wait a week or two, cause a scumbag can always be bought.

johnny damon voodoo doll — Out of stock due to a massive effigy ceremony involving matches, kerosene, and Idiot merchandise.

leigh ann is a dumbass — Really? What did she do?

books about gratitude — I didn’t write that book. Sorry.

pulsating pecs — I’ve got a taser. Wanna see if we can make them pulse?

my husband wants long red nails — Do NOT let him do it. Then who’s going to pop the tabs on the soda cans?

top 100 movies you ve never heard of — If I’ve never heard of them, how can I tell you what they are?

illegal to sell ebooks — It is illegal to resell them, yes. So stop it.

sex with dead people — Dude, you do NOT wanna be in there when the rigor sets in.

shannon name means — “Wise one”, a fact of which I’m quite sure my mother was unaware.

jill monroe wrestling men — I think that whole wrestling rumor was started by Gena. Yup.

what is the name of the book review blog that helenkay dimon belongs to? Paperback Reader

demon smiley — They’re still looking for a small enough picture of Johnny Damon’s face.

itch-x penis — :eyebrow:

lesbian and christmas shopping — I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure they shop the same way.

stick the towel in your vagina and rock back — Excuse me? How ’bout you stick the towel in your—

Never mind.

is positivity a word — Say it like you mean it and people will buy anything

why does my husband wear tights — so his legs stay warm under his skirt

ghostwrite marriage vows — That’s so pathetic

i have glass stuck in my finger need to know how to get it out — Hey, you can still type, so don’t worry about it