Shannon Stacey

November search phrases

It’s not the first, but I felt like doing my search phrases today. I got slammed by people looking for the “I Like to Move It” video from Madagascar. Buy the DVD. It’s on there. And I really do get people looking for me and/or my book. But then there are the people looking for:

what is an ass tulip — All these months and I still don’t know.

kinky neighbor — I wanna live in that neighborhood.

masturbate this kind of bump to the other person — What kind of bump are we talking about here? The needs-medication kind?

husband gelded — They prefer the word neutered.

chicken feet voodoo — Great. Just great.

made me wear tights — It’s nearly impossible to put tights on a person who’s truly resisting

how to teach my 11 yr old to swallow a pill — *snort* Good luck. My cats take pills better than the tall kid.

impatiently — Oh, that’s not going to get you 2834 pages of results.

bestest porn ever — Whoa. Don’t ever use the words bestest and porn in the same sentence again. Ever.

what lambs eat — Ivy, dumbass

pumpkin masturbation — I’m thinking it’s not how big the stem is, but how smooth, cause they have those little burs…

shannon s butt — Stop googling my butt, thank you very much.

long red finger nail cigarette smoking sissies — This one is totally Karen T’s fault.

raf pilots laugh and penguins — Anna…new fetish? :lmao:

my gelded husbandRan off with another woman is how I’m guessing that would end

jump off a cliff or repeatedly hit yourself on the head with a hammer
— Umm…jump off a cliff. It would require less dedication on my part.

itchy shoulder blades — Explains why the corners of my door mouldings are worn at shoulder height.

sissy boy cigarette smokers with long red finger nails — Look what she started

sympathy gene — I suffer a deficit.

inspirational wods — I find that a good wod will get me through the day.

i want to talk to shan of the dead — Call me at 4am.

excel spreadsheet on the twelve days of christmas — Don’t you have spices to alphabetize?

what does masturebation do to you — Norman, is that you?

movie endings city of angels — How can I put this gently?…It sucked.

spooky vagina — I have a mental image of a fog machine and woo-woo music that’s going to cripple my muse for days.

cockless man sex — Batteries required.

phrases batman says — To the Batcave!

male gelded sex slave — I prefer my sex slaves to have all their 2000 body parts, thank you.

tights in public — Only if you’re a 5-year-old girl

selt belt ghosts — Kind of like closing the barn door after the horse has bolted, no?

woman burned by dunkin donuts coffee — What a waste of coffee.

necrozoophilia — Ummm…having sex with dead zoo animals?

And finally, my favorite for this month…*drum roll*

clip on ties how do they work — :lmao:

10 comments to “November search phrases”

  1. Anna Lucia
      · November 30th, 2005 at 1:11 pm · Link

    OMG *wheeeeeze* I just had to explain to my co-worker why I was laughing so hard.

    I’ll take the RAF pilots laughing, but the penguins? :penguin:


    Nah. They smell of fish, you know.

  2. Larissa
      · November 30th, 2005 at 1:16 pm · Link

    LOL! I loved the pumkin one! :rofl:

  3. SandyO
      · November 30th, 2005 at 1:45 pm · Link

    In another blog I read, the author works in the movie business. He was discussing a “stunt dick” and how a movie sucked. So of course, his blog was listed in the query “If I suck my own dick will it stunt my growth?”. :rofl:

  4. Shannon
      · November 30th, 2005 at 2:52 pm · Link

    Actually, I have no clue what lambs really eat. But Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy… is how the song goes.


    No 4-H animals were harmed in the making of this post (much to the dismay of the necrozoophilia guy)

    And truly, did that young man really need to worry about stunting his growth if he was able to be a do-it-yourselfer?

  5. FerfeLaBat
      · November 30th, 2005 at 2:36 pm · Link

    This: what lambs eat — Ivy, dumbass

    Is news to me. Ivy. Interesting.

    Very fun … as always. :baby:

  6. Charlene
      · November 30th, 2005 at 5:02 pm · Link

    I love search phrases. :rofl:

  7. Karen Templeton
      · November 30th, 2005 at 5:06 pm · Link


    OMG, my contacts are have gotten all twisted (the toric kind, they have to sit just so on the corneas or they don’t work worth beans), so I’m only half seeing what I’m typing. Girl, I swear, you need to compile these into a book, you would totallly kick butt.

    And :neener: on the long red fingernails thing, hehe. I, however, did not get one this month. In fact, out of 55 search phrases, there’s not a single chuckle-worthy one.

    Clearly I am not writing — or writing about — the right stuff.


  8. Karen Templeton
      · December 1st, 2005 at 12:09 am · Link

    No! Wait! Just found my “full list” link! Apparently I hadn’t, as I’d believed, seen all the phrases before they vanished into the mist. Not that I can beat Shannon’s (because, really, nobody can), but there were a few noteworthy entries.

    To wit:

    — When is it okay to not submit to your husband
    (Can’t decide whether this is scary or sad)

    — seduction excerpts (when you don’t have time for the whole thing?)

    — cinderella crappy marriage (wondering if this is Submitting to Husband Woman)

    — used undershirts (One word: Ewwww.)

    — stories taxi door breast blonde mouth smile breast erect lips sat (I’m guessing this one decided why waste time googling one thing at a time?) :crazy:


    — why do my linens turn yellow?


  9. Alison Kent
      · December 1st, 2005 at 4:26 pm · Link

    Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy! :):)

    Or: Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey A kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you?

  10. Shannon
      · December 1st, 2005 at 5:16 pm · Link

    Well, sure if you wanna spell it correctly.


    There are some serious laundry issues going on with Karen T’s visitors. :eyebrow:

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