Now that I got my edits back to my fabulous and lovely editor and my children are worn out and curled up with their overpriced, stuffed Aquarium souvenirs, I can play for a few minutes.

bend over ass — I always try to imagine what people are hunting for when they put something this intriguing into a search engine. Maybe those lovely little garden decorations of the bent-over gardener?

nhohva — I bet whoever was looking for the New Hampshire Off-Highway Vehicle Association was a little surprised.

ass tulip movie — They’re making movies ’bout the ass tulip now? The amount of people hunting ass tulips is astounding. Maybe I should submit a proposal for The Ass Tulip Hunter.

rwaorg — You’ll find that list filed under Censorship. (Yes, I hold a wicked grudge.)

mudslide tgif pre-mixed — Hmmm…maybe that’s what I want for my birthday tomorrow

procrastination destination — The current most addicting ones for me are Conversations About Famous People and Query Letters I Love (aka Manager Guy) both of which are listed in my sidebar.

nice behind ass — As opposed to a nice in front ass?

erica orloff and diva — Divas Don’t Fake It by Erica Orloff

1931 tow dolly — I prefer ones with, oh…power brakes?

sniffing softener sheets — trying to make your nose hair repel dust?

gerbils houses for sale in walmart — I’d recommend Walmart.com but that’s just me

male masturebation — Inherent

ladies called shannon — Depends on how much I’ve had to drink

vermont swinger blog — :lmao:

layover > ann hardin — Layover

shannon s shoes — Highly disappointing. Reeboks, Teva Mush sandals and Toewarmer boots. A pair of navy funeral pumps, and that’s it. I don’t even own slippers.

noninspirational posters — Umm…So what are you looking for? A poster that says “Why bother? You can’t win.”?

rofl synonyms — lol, lmao, roflmao, or the lovely roflmaopmp?

orgasmic emoticon — Not here. :nookie: is the closest I’ve got

character worksheets — almost as good a waste of time as sniffing dryer sheets

pulsating pecs — Pulsating? If your pecs are pulsating, remove the defibrillator pads, please.

sat upon squashed — Again, what was s/he looking for?

it s happy bunny backgrounds — I don’t do happy bunnies.

authentic orgasm — so much better than the fake ones

ellora s cave paperback books in print — EC books in print

flashlight masturbator — Okay. By flashlight or with flashlight. Just curious.

cymbidium archinopsis — Huh? Oh, that’s from when I talked about Sandra K. Moore’s The Orchid Hunter.

kahan arcadius — author of The Plow, the Hammer, and the Knout: An Economic History of Eighteenth-Century Russia

gagging reflex from coffee — Cure: Immediately stop drinking coffee and send all unused beans/grounds to me. I’ll…test them for you.

how to do male masturebation — Seeng as how I’m in the process of raising two sons, I believe if you have to ask, you don’t have a penis. In that case, ask him.

There was of course, the myriad and numerous assortment of searches for Horribly Annoying Nick Jr. Show, HANJS theme song, HANJS porn, and scariest of all, HANJS fanfic.