(Ethan is my PITA hero from Roadtrip)

Shan: Why can’t you just cooperate? You have to talk to your mom before you go running off at the end.

Ethan: I don’t want to talk. I want to get to that elevator scene again. You know, the one where I—

Shan: *cough* I know. But we forgot to wrap up that secondary arc.

Ethan: What do you care? You’ve been hanging out with that other guy, anyway. He can’t be better than me.

Shan: He’s a Cuban vampire. You’re a Republican from Connecticut.

Ethan: Forget it.

Shan: You know that little jailhouse scene? I could add a shower—

Ethan: Oooh. With some of that slippery shower gel stuff?

Shan: No. With a seven-foot lifer named Tiny and a slippery bar of soap.

Ethan: So I do the scene or you make me a prison bitch?

The cellblock was never quiet, but Tiny liked it that way. He cracked his swollen, oft-broken knuckles and bared his crooked, blackened teeth. Nobody would hear the new Yankee boy cry…

Ethan: Shannon! SHANNON! Get back here!