Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in New England sunbathe.
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. People in New England plant gardens.
Italian & English cars won’t start. People in New England drive with the windows down.
Distilled water freezes. Maine’s Moose head Lake’s water gets thicker.
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.
New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
All the people in Miami die. New Englanders close the windows.
Californians fly away to Mexico. The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.
Hollywood disintegrates. People in New England get out their winter coats.
Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. New Englanders get frustrated because they can’t start their “kahs.”
All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). People in New England start saying, “cold ’nuff for ya?”
Hell freezes over. The Red Sox win the World Series. (But…but…but…HA! WE WON IT!)