1. Run through a mental list of non-writing-related reasons a submission might be rejected: A NYT-lister watched the same documentary and beat you to the what-if based proposal; the hero has the name as the editor’s husband, who just left her for sweaty Sven; she had a really shitty tuna sandwich for lunch.

2. Breathe on the glass, then draw pictures in the condensation. (Keeping in mind, of course, that the next time you make spaghetti, whatever you drew will reappear.)

3. Practice your RITA acceptance speech.

4. Have your mp3 player cranked to drown out negative thoughts. Get a little carried away with the lip-synching and amuse the hell out passers-by and the roofers working across the street.

5. Notice how long the grass is getting and consider mowing. Remember mowing is the man’s job, then feel guilt for perpetuating gender stereotypes. Decide you don’t give a shit as long as you don’t have to mow the lawn.

6. Wonder if anybody’s ever opened their RITA acceptance speech with “I’d like to thank the Academy” just to be funny.

7. Draft a thank you note to the USPS for having the time on their delivery confirmation updates so you can know how long your submission has been in the publisher’s offices down to the minute. This is vital information for the truly neurotic writer. (As I pause in the drafting of this post at 6:30 pm Wed night, my sub has been in the building for 26,363 minutes.)

8. Notice the window needs to be cleaned. Decide now is the perfect time to reform your gender stereotyping ways and make a mental note to tell your husband he should wash the windows.

9. Wonder why you’re suddenly holding an empty bag of Doritos.

10. Worry that the nosy woman up the street got your SASE by accident and knows you’ve been rejected before you do.

11. Try to make a vanity plate for “New York Times Bestselling Author“. In NH we only get six characters: NYTLST, GOTNYT…GUDRTR…umm….I-ROCK?

12. If your SASE is not in the day’s mail: Tell yourself no news is good news, then get back to work.

13. If your SASE is in the day’s mail: If you sent a full, hope that, at the very least, the editor might be willing to look at it again after some changes. If you sent a partial, spend a few minutes riding that nauseating rollercoaster of wondering whether it’s a rejection or a request to see the full. It’s an intense moment, and I’ve had it go both ways.

What’s really sick is how much I’ve missed that feeling. :bang:

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. My family recently started watching America’s Got Talent and…I’m starting to find The Hoff a little bit sexy. (Highlight to bear witness to my secret shame.) I know. There should be some kind of scarlet letter for that particular crime. I take comfort, however, in the knowledge I don’t find him anywhere near as sexy as he himself does.

2. My sister has had my Firefly and Serenity DVDs for 40 days. I started twitching 39 days ago.

3. I’ve never seen an episode of The Bachelor. The entire premise offends my HEA-lovin’ sensibilities. I actually tried to DVR the premier episode of this past season simply because my sister keeps asking me if I watch it and I keep saying no and I’m told it’s good to shake things up occasionally, but that night lightening struck nearby, knocking out our power—and causing our DVR to miss it—which I took as a sign, reinforcing my belief that change is bad. (It did not have, however, any effect on my belief that uber-compound sentences beset by plagues of commas and the occasional em dash are good.)

4. I wish Hell’s Kitchen was on HBO so they wouldn’t have to bleep Chef Ramsay’s delicious, foul-mouthed awesomeness. The man leaves me seriously hot and bothered.

5. I’ve never seen an episode of Alias. (Sometimes a show looks stupid and then—by the time you hear it’s not—it’s too late. I can’t jump into the middle of a television series any more than I can a book series.)

6. I still miss 90210.

7. I am addicted to King Arthur (the Clive Owen & Kiera Squintly version) and pop the DVD in at least twice a month even though the movie, quite frankly, sucks.

8. My DVR box is glitching, but I haven’t scheduled a repair tech because they might replace it and I still have the season finale of The Unit and half a season of NCIS saved to watch. (Not so)Sadly, it only seems to glitch during my husband’s programming.

9. We’re still :censor: paying for :censor: HBO even though we haven’t :censor: watched the :censor: channel since the :censor: :censor: :censor: cancelled :censor: Deadwood because I still :censor: hope they’ll bring back the :censor: show. Cahksuckahs! (If you’re a Deadwood fan, I trust you read that with the appropriate accent. If not, never mind.)

10. I am, apparently, one of the few females on the planet who think the Three Stooges were the funniest bastards ever born.

11. I’m newly addicted to the PotC/Survivor-blending knock-off reality show, Pirate Master, and would have sex with Louie sober.

12. I think everybody involved with Reign of Fire should be forced to submerse themselves in ice baths and then streak during the next Superbowl half-time show. Come on, people—Christian, Matthew and dragons? That movie should have been freakin’ amazing. (Plus, sprinting shrinkage would make for a more entertaining half-time show than Janet’s nipple.)

13. Cops remains one of my all-time favorite shows. Whether I’m laughing my ass off at the capacity for sheer stupidity in my fellow man or ranting at the blatant, unapologetic civil rights violations, I’m always entertained.

Favorite themes: Saran Wrap-clad hookers rinsing and spitting while tucking ten bucks in their G-strings, then saying “I don’t know this guy—I just gived him a blowjob and then he just gived me money, but I ain’t no prostitute, Officer” and the serious bad-asses who sob and piss themselves in the face of frothing, snarling German Shephards.

Favorite recurring line: “Officer, I don’t know how that got my pocket. Honest“.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. All the lush texture and emotional depth we loved in her Tina St. John historicals…it’s all there!

2. Lucan

3. Holy hot & bothered, Batman! That cover would seriously improve ANY decor. Gorgeous!

4. Dante

5. The vampire mythology—the story behind the Breed—is utterly fascinating. I actually said “Oh, that is SO cool!” aloud while reading.

6. Tegan

7. I liked the women in this book, too, and I rarely do. I’m a very, very hero-centric reader, but I thought the women were interesting, too.

8. Nikolai

9. I really, really enjoyed this book. I’m one of those readers who’s mostly paranormal’ed out and I’ve narrowed my vampire reading down to almost none. But I absolutely adored her historicals, so of course I needed to read KoM. I’m glad I did. This is a rich, emotional and totally kick-ass book featuring some absolutely delicious, real and totally kick-ass men. I can’t wait for book 2!

10. Gideon

11. Conlan

12. Rio

13. You don’t have to wait! You can go buy it right now!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. How can such a tiny splinter cause so much pain?

2. Is the pickle scene from Taming Eliza Jane in the wrong place, arc-wise?

3. Holy crap! On the Edge is eligible in the novella category of the RITAs! (It’s just shy of 40k.) Should I? Shouldn’t I? If I get a blue-hair, Charlotte could totally trigger a stroke.

4. How can Emma not see that Anakin was the best Jedi ever?

5. Why are the Twinkies gone?

6. What book should I write next? Gallagher’s? The sequel to Taming Eliza Jane? The sequel to Interstellar Sparks?

7. How the hell did I manage to start three different series when I wasn’t looking?

8. How am I supposed to type with bandaids on the knuckles of my right ring finger? I use “o”, “l” and “.” a lot. (See, all three of them in the space of four characters.)

9. Where did I put Ezmerelda to keep her safe from Gizmo?

10. I can’t believe I was so hung up on entering Taming Eliza Jane in the RITAs, I never considered On the Edge being eligible. Should I or shouldn’t I? I must obsess a lot more about this. Seven months is not nearly enough time to make a decision.

11. Why the :censor: are the :censor: Twinkies gone?

12. So, ohmigod, I’m totally loving Drive! I was afraid I wouldn’t like Nathan Fillion in any other role but that of Captain Mal Reynolds, but guess what….it’s Mal in a Dodge Challenger! He has officially overthrown the 14-year reign of Rob Morrow as my most secretest crush.

13. Why isn’t languidity a word?

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Why do you drink ice cold coffee when you live in the freakin frozen tundra of New Hampshire? — I always have to have a drink at hand or I feel like I’m dying of thirst. A Dunkin Donuts iced coffee is larger than their largest hot coffee. Plus, while I adore iced coffee, I can’t drink cold hot coffee.

2. How many books will you have out this year? What are their titles? What are they about? When are they releasing? — Well, On the Edge released March 27th. Taming Eliza Jane—the sexy historical western romantic comedy—releases June 12th. That’s it for new releases. The Devlin Group: Adrenaline, the print book containing the two DG stories, comes out in June and TEJ will release in print in November.

3. What’s your favorite genre to write in? — I guess that depends on which day of the week it is. There are things I enjoy about each of the subgenres I’ve written in, but I think the one that has come most naturally to me is the sexy historical western romantic comedy. (And if that book comes up again in this TT, I will be referring to its subgenre as the SHWRC.)

4. What are you working on now? — My Thursday Thirteen.

5. Is Gallagher done YET? How about now? C’mon, now? — Not yet. Nope. And…no.

6. Obviously you’re NOT going for nipple piercing–do you have any other piercings or even a tattoo? What do you think of them–on men or women….? — My ears are pierced. My husband has his faded USMC tattoo. That’s about it for our body art. As for other people, sometimes I think piercings and tattoos are beautiful and sometimes I think the person needs to lay off the booze. I think you can tell on some level if a person decorated themselves because it’s totally them or if they’re trying to be somebody else, and that influences my feelings. I don’t care for pierced genitals in my romances—writing or reading.

7. Since nipple piercings are out, can we talk about clit piercings instead? NO! Why are you doing this to me?

8. Is the Widowmaker done yet? — Umm…no. *shuffles feet shamefully* I’ll kick it back up the to-do list. I love that story.

9. Do you need more Doritos? — I always need more Doritos. Although I accidentally bought a bag of the super-spicy ones (WHY are they both packaged in red? I also accidentally bought Cherry Coke) and my taste buds are still charred.

10. What’s the meaning of life, other than getting your hands on all the unfound Easter candy? — Dammit. Told ya.

The meaning of life is to be a sit-com for a higher power with a freakin’ bizarre sense of humor.

And to teach my sons the joy of singing really bad karaoke into a serving spoon in the kitchen with the curtains open without giving a shit who sees them.

11. What’s your favourite type of shoe? — My absolute favorite shoe is the Teva Mush flip-flop. As soon as the snow melts…

12. What do I have to do to become Shannon Stacey when I grow up? — Rummage through my garbage, steal my mail and VOILA! You too can be me. It won’t get you much, though.

13. If you were a superhero what would your superpower be? (and what would your costume look like…include fab superhero shoes please *g*) — I hate to be unoriginal, but I’d totally be a Wonder Woman knock-off. I never wanted to be anybody but her. A tiara AND a bustier? How cool is that? I’d prefer some nice capris instead of the granny panties, though, and I’d break my neck in those boots. I guess I’d be Wonder Woman from the waist up, with Old Navy capris and Teva Mush flip-flops from the waist down. Like I’d only spun around one and a half times instead of a full three.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Set it on fire in the driveway. (An obvious one, yes, but a method I’ve used on crappy drafts in the past. I have stopped doing that, but only because the Mustang has a slow gas leak. Wouldn’t that suck?)

2. Fold it into a paper airplane, launch it, then shoot it down with a BB-gun.

3. Shred it and use it to mulch your garden. Give it a few days, then douse those freakin’ too-cheery blossoms with Roundup.

4. Send it to the Feds as proof there is a conspiracy of mean girls out to get you.

5. Finely shred, mix with canned dog food, feed it to a puppy and then kick the puppy.

6. Crinkle it into a tight ball, sprinkle Comet on it and use it to scour under the rim of your toilet bowl.

7. Make a Mad Lib out of it and play with a friend. Instead of “The heroine was stupid, the hero had no motivation, and the author needs to learn craft” you could have “The heroine was smelly, the hero had no elbows, and the author needs to learn the Macarena“. Much better, no?

8. Finely chop and mix with shredded coconut, then dip in chocolate. Send high-fiber faux-Mounds to reviewer with a very polite “Thank you for taking the time to…” note.

9. Place review in paper feeder, sit on copy machine deck and superimpose your ass over her words. (I recommend not trying this at Staples, though. They’re ridiculously uptight about ass prints on the glass.)

10. Send it to Stayfree to use in their rate-of-absorption blotting tests.

11. Fold it into a lovely and graceful Origami swan, and then step on its little head.

12. (TTs start getting hard around #7, and #12′s a bitch, ain’t it?) Umm…Be really original and line your litter box with it?

13. Learn from it. Unless the reviewer has some whacked personal vendetta against you, chances are she didn’t pull those comments out of her ass just to piss you off.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Spinning my wheels takes on a whole new meaning when I’m in a mud puddle and my husband’s behind me.

2. No cellphone reception up north where we go. (Downside—no wireless, either.)

3. It’s the one thing we all enjoy as a family.

4. It makes me feel like a kid again.

5. If somebody pisses me off, I roost’em.

6. When we’re not riding, there’s really nothing else to do but nap write.

7. The campground has a big pool. We don’t.

8. The short kid gets to ride his own machine this year and he’s wicked excited about it.

9. When you have mud in your hair, you know you had a good time.

10. The camper’s only 27 feet long, so it takes much less time to clean than the house.

11. No Walmart up there, either. No banks (well, not mine), no post office, no errands. There is a Dunkin Donuts twenty minutes north of our campground, though. (Priorities, you know.)

12.

13.

1. Wareham, Massachusetts: A milestone? Umm…birth.

2. Witchita Falls, Texas: My uncle threw me into the deep end of the pool to “teach” me to swim, turning a mild fear of water into terror.

3. A couple of towns outside Langley AFB, Virginia: My sister was born and I was attacked by an insane, vicious goose. (Different days)

4. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: We stayed with my former step-grandparents while awaiting our passports, and I got my first inkling I’m not a city girl.

5. Bicester and RAF Upper Heyford, England: My brother was born. It was from the base bookstore that I bought my first Little House on the Prairie book. I fell in love with Buck Rogers. Also had my spelling screwed up for life.

6. A brief stay in Lynn, Massachusetts while waiting to report to the next base: My uncle driving us through rush-hour traffic in Boston at a gazillion miles per hour. I still have flashbacks.

7. Plattsburgh AFB and Peru, New York: First kiss. Kneed a boy in his insignificant little family jewels for the first time. (Different boys, separate incidents) Got my first C in school. It was for science, and his name was Mr. Williams. Not that I hold a grudge or anything.

8. Centreville, Massachusetts: Tried my first cigarette. Dumbass.

9. Several New Hampshire towns, but primarily Pittsfield: Many milestones here. Good ones, too, mostly. Some a little hazy due to copious amounts of alcohol.

10. Pittsfield, Maine: Leaving was a good milestone

11. Grovespring, Missouri: Graduated from high school. Milked a cow. Listened to people who say “dubya” and “PEE-can” tell me I talk funny. Milked more cows.

12. St. Albans, Maine: Hmm….there was….no….umm….

13. Back to New Hampshire: I’m HOME! All the best milestones happened here—marriage, two babies, seeing my name on the cover of a book. Setting my stepmother’s Easter bouquet on fire. Stuff like that.

1. A large Dunkin Donuts coffee, cream only

2. My hackeysack

3. Ezmerelda

4. The remote to my CD player

5. My electric pencil sharpener because I like my pencils deadly-sharp, but can’t stand mechanical pencils.

6. My copy of Rodale’s The Synonym Finder

7. A notebook in which I scrawl notes like ‘how often would the stage pass through?’ and telephone messages that should technically go in the telephone message book and notes for books I’m not supposed to be working on.

8. Burt’s Bees beeswax lip balm

9. Uni-ball Onyx micro-point pen

10. My mp3 player, which is currently playing a variety of music from Carrie Underwood, AC/DC, Keith Urban, Kiss, Sawyer Brown, Triniti, and more.

11. The business’s cordless phone so I don’t have to break my neck running through the house and tripping over toys/cats/child/winter boots when it rings.

12. My cellphone so I can surf ringtones, take pictures and call people be available for emergency calls.

13. Hershey Kisses with Dorito chasers. (Sweet, then salt—always)

1. I hate gel toothpaste. My mother always said “When you grow up and have your own house, you can buy paste”, and I do. The last day I lived at home was the last day I used gel.

2. I have a birthmark everybody thinks is a hickie. It’s a grouping of…18 (?) freckles kind of under my jaw where it meets my neck.

3. I’ve worn glasses since I was six and have never had any desire for contacts or that new corrective surgery. (So, I’m 34. Your eyes change. Would I have to have surgery again in 10-15 years?)

4. I love asparagus, spinach, broccolli (even if I can’t spell it) and brussel sprouts. Not as much as I love Doritos, but I do love me some greens now and again. Not fiddleheads, though. My mother and the person to whom she was married at the time used to make us eat those when we lived in Maine and they’re nasty.

5. I bit my nails horribly until I was 20. Why did I quit then? That’s when I got my shiny engagement ring and I was too embarrassed by my nails to show it off. (The theory was put forth to me that the underlying issues which caused this habit were cured by finding somebody willing to sticky by me for better or worse, but honestly, I just wanted to show off the bling.)

6. I call the television remote control a “flipper”. My husband makes fun of me, but I think my dad calls it that. When all else fails, blame a parent.

7. I’ve cut back from 4 large Dunkin Donuts iced coffees (cream only) per day to 2. I’m supplementing with a new addiction to mandarin orange seltzer water.

8. I hate tulips. I mean, seriously hate them. But when I try to dig them up, I end up splitting the bulb things and even more grow back. They’re evil and they’re multiplying and I want them all to die.

9. The song currently rocking my world: “Starts with Goodbye” by Carrie Underwood.

10. My first submission was a partial to Leslie Wainger for…I think it was the “Yours, Truly” line? They had a line where the meet came through written communication. Looking back, it was not only amateurish work, but there was no conflict. None. There was no reason this couple couldn’t have lived HEA from page one. She sent me a rejection letter with two paragraphs detailing some of the problems, and I must have read it a gazillion times. That was probably…11 or 12 years ago? I don’t remember now.

11. Actually, I’m not sure if that was my first sub. It was around that time I sent some queries out for my 100+k time travel in which the heroine traveled back to the American Civil War. Yeah, umm…time travel and Civil War. You can imagine how the phone lines jammed with editors trying to call me. (I still love the title though, which I won’t share and will use someday.)

12. I was born in Wareham, Mass—hometown of Geena Davis. I aggravate my husband by every time she’s mentioned/seen, saying “Hey, my dad went to school with her.” The promotional build-up to “Commander in Chief” was an especially annoying time.

13. My mother and I spent a brief time living in Texas when I was young—I remember having my fifth birthday there. My husband also spent a year or so living there when he left the Marine Corps—he was 22. The Blizzard of ’78 was mentioned tonight and we were talking about how he inadvertently timed his return home to NH so that he drove through the blizzard. The dates tumbled into place in my head. My husband and I—neither of whom are from Texas, spent much time there, nor have ever been back—were both living in Texas in 1977. That’s kinda freaky cool, huh? (Also in the freaky department, the 17-year age difference sounds so much worse when he was twenty-two and I was five. Fifty-one and thirty-four just doesn’t seem so…weird.)